Ok, so I haven't blogged in FOREVER, and the reason why is because I have been hiding under my bed....no really. When things get bad, that's where I go. I curl up in the safety of "let's pretend things are good" and sit quietly until things get better.
I just paid the bills and we are a few hundred dollars short, oddly enough I am thankful. I am thankful that we bought the kids medicine BEFORE I attempted to pay the car note, and I am thankful we had money to pay for what we did. As most all of you know, Steve has no job as of August. He has spent a million nights filling out applications, a million nights praying, and a million hours on the road interviewing and getting let down. We prayed that we could stay here, but as of July, all of the principals in Bryan stopped hiring and took off for their month long vacations only to return in August with their jobs still intact. While Nathan is busy making lists of things he wants for his August birthday, we are making mental lists of things we will give up to stay in our house after the money stops coming in. The feeling that lies in the bottom of my stomach is of so much hope in God accompanied by the constant ache and bother of the unknown. My body is on Code Orange, ready and alert; unwilling and unable to rest until something, anything happens. My heart hurts from the strain and yet I am unable to give up this burden and trust that God will take care of us and this situation. I am drowning in my own weakness; Bible in one hand, children and husband in the other. If only I can just hide under my bed until it's all over with.
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2 comments:
i am proud of you for writing.
I do the same thing...It seems easier sometimes to limit exposure to others until the sadness goes away...It's kind of like protecting them from a sadness virus. Though, I've been shown again and again that exposure to friends can at least be a Tylenol from the sadness...helping provide comfort until the cause of the pain has gone.
I will keep praying for you and your family. I know God is bringing his best for you...He just has his own timing. Keep holding onto the Bible and your family. In the end, that's all we have that's worth anything anyway. He will provide for you and your sweet family. :-)
Love,
Quiltermama
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