"Grubby"

When I was pregnant with Kalea, I temporarly worked fulltime at a day care so that we could afford her birth. Because I was in a church, my super cool, super large classroom shared space with a Sunday school class. On my first day of work I noticed a small fish bowl sitting solitarly in the corner of the room filled 2/3s full with green murkey water and a moldy looking fish I dubbed "Grubby" for obvious reasons. Sharing space with a Sunday school class, I assumed that Grubby was part of a Sunday school experiment gone terribly wrong. I am not a big fish person, so every day I hoped that Grubby would go to the big pond in the sky, but every day Grubby kept on swimming in his earthly disaster of a home. Months went by and the water grew greener and greener and much to my displeasure Grubby just kept on living. As I waited for my class to come, I spoke to Grubby every morning, encouraging him to go towards the light, but the moldy fish never did. By late November, a new teacher joined our ranks, taking half of my class with her as well as my pal Grubby. She only showed up every once in a while to clean Grubby's bowl and to yell at the kids, and after a miserble month or so, she was asked to leave. As much as I was hoping she'd take Grubby with her, she left the small, smelly thing behind. Christmas came and went and pretty soon it was time to have Kalea, so I gladly packed my bags and left my job leaving Grubby to the mercy of his Sunday school pals. Surprisingly enough though, not long after I left, I learned that my pal, Grubby, did not belong to the Sunday School class after all, but to the teacher before me. Poor Grubby had gone months without being fed or cared for and had somehow survived. He had adapted to living with nothing. After I left, a good pal had taken Grubby in. She cleaned his tank until it was sparkling, fed him, talked to him, and most likely given him a good name......needless to say, it wasn't long before Grubby went belly up. The poor girl killed him with love.
It's a good thing that people don't die from too much love, because then my children wouldn't have made it past their first few months of life. It's not just us who love them, but we have an entire church who loves them and cares for them. About two weeks ago, we received an envelope with enough money in it to pay for our car to be fixed. It was an enourmous debt that weighed very heavily on our hearts, and someone loved us enough to pay that debt for us. No one, especially us, deserves such a gift as that. As a general rule, we never deposit gifted money into our account until we write a thank you note, but our gift was without a face. I placed the envelope on our kitchen counter and every time I passed it I got so overwhelmed by the generosity and love and the unworthiness we have for it, that it brought me to tears several times. Since the car broke down, I had been begging to see the face of God, to at least feel His presence during this time away from Steve, and He was there all along. He was in the faces of everyone at church, of everyone who loves us and has been praying for us. I am so thankful for whoever gave us that gift and I pray for them every night before I go to bed, because they opened my eyes to remind me that God is not so far away.

Prayer requests- I have denied being sick every way possible, and somehow I thought that refusing to talk about it would make me feel better. I feel like the world's worst mommy because I am all my kids have and I am so sick that by the time night comes I absolutely cannot care for them. I think it's just the strain on my heart, but I am walking around with my hands completely numb and the entire world swimming around me willing myself not to pass out. My pal Jenny has been a HUGE blessing for me, but we're on our own this weekend, so if you could please, please, please pray for me, I would really appreciate it. I feel like we're jumping from one crisis to another and I am really sorry, I am really not that kind of person who has a different emergency every day of the year. Once we make it out of the desert, we should be fine. If you could just please pray for my heart and God's healing for it, and for the safety of my children that I don't pass out while caring for them, I would really appreciate it.