Torn

This morning Nathan was banging two wooden blocks together trying his very hardest to keep the beat to a song. "Look mom!" he proudly exclaimed, "I am keeping beat!" The first thought that popped into my mind was 'awwww my baby is going to be a bass player!!' (It has become very evident to me that all bass players who are any good in their field cannot clap to the beat if their lives were dependent on it.)

I try to avoid reading blogs in which the writer types like they are thinking out loud, but since you guys are my friends and family, I thought I would share our delimma with you. For the last few months our band and family has been touring to every major Texas city every weekend to play shows. We stay with friends and family to cut the cost and we eat a lot of PB&J sandwiches and popcorn. We even go meatless one or two meals a week so that we can have gas money to tour. We LOVE our house, our church, and city. We love everything there is to love about where we are, except for the music scene. When we play in major cities and the kids sing along to our music, they mosh and have a great time. There is a single moment during every show that I hear at least one gasp and someone shouts one of my favorate things to hear in the entire universe, "oh my gosh, this is my favorate song!!!!" When we play in our city, however, not a single friend shows up. The crowd is new and different every time, but we can't draw them in. They don't dance, or sing. It's like a naked dream. You know what I am talking about... When everyone is staring at you and you realize that you somehow left all of your clothes at home.
All this to say that Steve does not have a job next year. He has no friends in our city, and other my love and passion for being here, has nothing to keep him here. We both love this city and all of the great (free) things to do here, but as our Dallas manager pointed out last Saturday, we're not even here to enjoy them. Do we stay here for the great family environment, or do we move on for the sake of the band (and better schools)? My plan is to stick it out at least for another two years until we are completely debt free and then move. Steve's plan would look really bad if I wrote it down, but it has a lot to do the things that frustrate me and it would mean moving soon. I know that everything is in God's hands and that we will submit to whatever God plans for us, but it sure is hard when Steve doesn't have a job for next year.